Men how do you feel when your girlfriend or wife is checking out some other guy? None of us are perfect, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. So all of us have ample opportunities to feel insecure or scared when our girl is looking at other men’s bodies. My wife and I have our own unique relationship, as do we all. She wasn’t crazy about the idea of me watching porn, masturbating or going to strip clubs. I was honest and up front with her but once we got close to getting married, she got scared of my attraction to other women. Even though I’m a Christian and didn’t lust when I checked out other women, it still scared her. We went through a few years of oddness and still have a bit of uneasiness in our marriage in this area. In our discussions, I’ve wanted her to know how important she is to me, but also I’ve not wanted to give up something that I love only because she is insecure, if that makes sense. A few years back when we talked about strip clubs, I asked her to at least be fair and attend a club where she could see naked men. Then I could see how I felt and we could talk about where to go from there. But that has been probably four or more years ago and still she hasn’t really tried to go to a male strip club (though sadly for women who enjoy looking at naked men, there aren’t many heterosexual geared male strip clubs around). To me after I settled the matter of nudity, masturbation, and pornography on the moral issues, then I started wondering about those issues as they pertained to relationships. Obviously, there are things in relationships, where we don’t desire our spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend engaging in certain behaviors with the opposite sex. Of course due to the nature of this blog, all activities named as sin in the Bible are off limits. But what about things that aren’t sinful but still we consider “no-no’s” in our relationship. Most of us don’t want our spouse locking lips with someone else. Most of us don’t want our spouses holding hands or blowing kisses with someone of the opposite sex… or of any sex for that matter ;) . So the question of this blog post is geared more toward that effect. Men who enjoy looking at and enjoying the beauties of women, do you find it offensive or scary when your wife or girlfriend is admiring the physique of another man?

the fair haired woman

One of my favorite books is “Wild at Heart” by John Eldridge. Growing up without a dad (deadbeat dad), I had to figure out what the heck being a “man” meant. My dad would pork anything that opened up her legs. My mom was dying in the hospital when I was a little boy and he was having sex with one of his coworkers. And besides the ultimate sleaze factor of this man, he is crazy abusive. Almost every word or gesture from his mouth is meant to harm his wife and children. And I didn’t really have any one who “took me under his wing” to show me the ropes. So… I became a reader. Reading has become a form of discipline. I started out reading at least one chapter of a Christian book each day. And now it has also become a pleasure. I’m reading like five or six books at the same time right now on very different subjects and also some fiction :) . So in books I found my direction to look at least, at how to be a man. And “Wild at Heart” is one of top two books that I feel have given me a leg to stand on.
One of the main things that every man should be drawn to and terrified of at the same time is the fair-haired woman. You see whomsoever we marry, we will still desire something that she cannot give us. It’s a great mystery. The secular world tries their best to sell us on the idea that when you get married you live happily ever after. And I love those stories. I love romantic comedies. I know some men shun them like the plague, but I love romance. I love the feeling and longings that those movies and books arouse within my chest. I love action flicks like the next guy too but I love romantic movies. Who wouldn’t want to live happily ever after???
But, in the fall of man (Genesis 3) something went awry. Eden (our happily ever after) isn’t a reality in this life anymore…but…it is in the next thanks to what Jesus did on the cross. If anyone chooses to follow Christ, He’s promised good things and bad things in this life. But He promised that He’d never leave us or abandon us. He promised to guide us and lead us home. Heaven is the place where all our desires and passions that ebb and flow like deep sea currents, will finally be sated…forever. But!… until we reach Home, nothing will ever quite bring us the full satisfaction that we hope it will. Even the greatest adventure of life, marriage, will not satisfy the depths of our longings. That’s why you are here reading my blog in the first place right? You are searching for something else. You are longing for life and joy and peace and healing. Maybe you are single and lonely. Maybe you are imagining that day when you finally find your spouse and you are consumed with passion and ecstasy. Or maybe you’re married and you’ve realized that as much as you love your honey, that something deep and wonderful still calls to you. That’s where the fair-haired woman comes into the picture. She stands there bare breasted with her hair cascading down either side of them. She is always full of passion and warmth. She is always offering life and never asking for it. Her gait is soft and feminine. Her body exudes the most delicious fragrances. Her voice is soft and inviting. Then you come home and your wife really needs you to watch the kids, who are crying. Or your girlfriend decides that some other guy will be a better match for her. Chores, frustration, heart-ache…our hearts sigh. Then we remember the fair-haired woman. Her song calls to the deepest places inside of us. Her melodic voice whispers for us to come close. Our hearts inflame with desire. We’ll never find this fair-haired woman ( an analogy for the perfect woman) this side of eternity but we long to feel alive so we attach her image over a beautiful coworker or a pornographic actress or the check out girl at the super market. Suddenly, our hearts feel lighter and we choose to believe in love again, in hope, in faith. The author of Wild at Heart believes that she is simply a siren who woos us to our doom on the rocks of sin, but I believe there is something running deeper here. What do you believe is going on, when our hearts are inflamed with longing for this elusive goddess?

The Bible does not condemn viewing nudity. I’ve been a Christian since I was 12. I’ve been a hard-core Christian too! Like most men and some women, I struggled with masturbating and viewing porn. I would go through cycles of repentance and failure. I would try to be accountable. I talked regularly to a good Christian friend.
Finally, I started reading to check up on why I believe what I believe. I started with masturbation. The only place that masturbation is mentioned in the Bible to my knowledge is where a son of Judah by the name of Onan decided to spill his semen on the ground rather than impregnating his wife. God struck him dead as a door nail. That example would be enough to get any man to stop whacking off.
Onan wasn’t even masturbating though. He was obligated to marry his brother’s wife after his brother had died and to raise up children in his brother’s name (which was the law back then). He didn’t want to impregnate his wife to have kid’s in his brother’s name so he spilled the goods. It pissed God off and wham, dead Onan. It’s funny how when a story is preached a certain way for a long time how it doesn’t get passed by our “that doesn’t make any sense” filter. But no where in this story is there a hint of God condemning masturbation. God killed Onan because He didn’t obey His laws, not because he pleasured himself (which he wasn’t even doing).
Now many may say, ok but I can’t masturbate without lusting. Ok let’s check out lusting. The Scripture command here is where Jesus said that adultery was wrong before but now He was raising the bar and declaring that lusting after a woman was the same as adultery. Lusting is where you imagine yourself having sexual acts with someone who is not your spouse. Makes sense! Jesus was saying if you’re imagining doing the act then you’re doing it in your heart.
So watch all the porn you want. Masturbate until you can’t do it any more but don’t lust. Don’t imagine you and that person you are looking at having sex. Just masturbate and enjoy the sight of that other man and woman having sex. Do you see? When you put yourself in the picture you are wanting to possess or have that other person who is not yours to have. That’s the basic essence of lust, wanting something that isn’t yours. That’s why it’s mentioned about lusting after other things in the Bible. You are wanting to have something that God didn’t give you! You are coveting and envying which are sins. Lust is coveting and envying someone else’s spouse.
So enjoy all the nudity and porn you want (that’s between a man and a woman [another discussion]). God created us in the Garden naked. Then He gave Adam and Eve the command ( what a lovely command) to multiply. The original design was to be a nudist world (I don’t think that is wise now, but we’ll save that for another discussion as well). God created our bodies and sex to be beautiful! Enjoy but just don’t lust (covet and envy)

When I was working on this site before, I had considered changing up the format and excluding erotic pictures. One of the main reasons that I had started this blog was to invite conversation with others who may be interested in what the Bible actually says and doesn’t say about enjoying viewing nudity and sex. I’m afraid people who are committed Christians who are interested but not decided, would be put off by the nudie pics. I really want this site to be a safe place for discussion on the topic. There are plenty of sites that offer videos and pictures of sexual encounters but none other that I’m aware of that offer Biblical based conversation on the topics of masturbation, nudity, viewing people having sex and so forth. So my new format would be geared towards conversation and discussion which is what I was hoping for when I created the blog. I believe Christians who would be interested in this kind of honest discussion are turned off because they are turned on by the pictures I usually include with each blog post. So because they are trying to serve Jesus while figuring out true Biblical sexuality they avoid my site and I get almost no discussion on my blog. I get a good bit of views but hardly any comments since I started this blog over three years ago.
So since I wiped my site clean I figured this would be a good time to change formats. I know I’ll lose a few visitors to my blog but if someone leaves simply because the absence of erotic images then maybe they weren’t here for the true purpose of this blog… The only down side in my opinion is that my previous blogs provided “safe” erotic images that conform to Biblical standards (i.e. no orgies, homosexual activities, and so forth).
What are your opinions?

Recently, I wiped this site clean. In a moment of panic I erased years of blog posts and comments. I’ve been praying for several things for quite a long time and had hoped that my prayers would be answered this year by a certain date. When that date came and went, I reevaluated my relationship with God. I know that many of the things that I write about aren’t “kosher” so to speak. I know that my views and thoughts based on the Bible, aren’t accepted by the vast majority of Christians. I’m not born in a vacuum, I know my beliefs would make most Christians want to stone me. Sexuality is a highly sensitive area, hence, the reason for an anonymous blog. But regardless of the church, I want Jesus to be pleased with me. I don’t want to do anything that would put distance between my LORD and myself. I love God with all my heart. So when I didn’t hear anything from God, after all these years of praying, I started to reevaluate my beliefs on viewing nudity and sex. I’ve went back to the Bible, using something that I didn’t know how to use when I first came to my very controversial views on sex and nudity and masturbation. I used the internet. I looked up nudity in several versions of the Bible and I even looked up those words for nudity in the Greek and Hebrew. At first I was seriously considering the idea that I was simply wrong because while the Bible doesn’t say “Don’t look at nudity or watch people have sex”, most of the scriptures that mention nudity do so in a negative manner. It can be a very confusing ride and my main desire is to please Jesus. So in light of the “negative” verses dealing with nudity, I freaked out, erased all my years of work and conversation, and placed my nudie magazines and movies with nudity in the garbage. Then after I talked with my wife and continued to pray about the subject, I came right back around to the same conclusions. So for those of you who missed me, I’m back :)