Sepia Beach

Do you remember when life was full of longing? Honestly, most days I find some way to numb myself up, endless t.v., losing myself in hobbies like writing, gardening, or learning something new (at the moment my wife and I are taking Hebrew at a local synagogue, I’ve always wanted to learn Hebrew so I could read the Bible in some of the original language). Like most of us, I numb myself by eating too. The pain of life can be difficult to bear. Who hasn’t endured loss? and the longer you live the more losses you accumulate. But sometimes amid all the loss and pain and numbness, something breaks through… longing.

When I was a child, I dreamed that one day I’d be madly in love and live happily ever after! The thought of my mom dying seemed like it would be millions of years away and the thought of losing all my family would have seemed ludicrous. I try to keep my dreams alive, but it is difficult finding that longing that permeated my youth. After all I’m married now, and as wonderful as marriage can be, it can be very difficult as well, and we all come to realize that marriage isn’t the fix-all that we were hoping for. But the moments when longings, and romance break through and enchant my heart once again, it takes me by surprise! I have this hope, kind of like the movie “Pan’s Labyrinth, that even though the world I live in is dark dark indeed, that someone strong and kind is pursuing me. I have this longing that the passion of my youth is reality and this darkness that life is right now, is really just the length of a bad dream. When I wake up, I’ll behold that which I’ve always longed for and hoped for.

Sepia undressing

I still remember my first time. I think the image is branded into  your memory. I’m talking about in person btw, not just in a magazine. I had decided with much excitement and trepidation that I was going to go to our local strip club. I remember being so intimidated heading into the building with the blacked out windows. My excitement was of the highest order. There are certain times in life that are just intoxicating. It could be your first kiss, the first time you saw someone naked, the first time you had sex, or the first time you held hands even. There are just certain moments in time when there is this heady intoxication with life and beauty and mystery and sensuality with the opposite sex. These moments break up the ho hum ordinariness of life with something beyond words.

I still remember the rush of going into the building and finding a place to sit. A girl was on stage but she was in lingerie. I don’t remember her, but while I was sitting there taking in the unique atmosphere, another of the girls was walking around totally topless and wearing nothing but panties and those stage shoes. She passed right in front of me and I felt that I could sense every inch of her breasts as they hung beautifully and mesmerizing beside me. Everything about me was lost in the moment of exhilaration and wonder. Her butt, her legs, her breasts, her hair and all her femininity screamed out to my masculine heart. Beauty beyond words captured the whole attention of my being. Then as quickly as she walked right in front of me talking to someone, just as quickly she disappeared back into a room.

Even though I enjoyed the whole display of women that night, that first nude woman that was only inches from me is still burned into my soul…

black and white sunlit nude

I just wanted to say sorry to everyone who has commented in the last few months. I have not answered or replied back yet. I’ve had to cut my relationship with my dad. He’s been an abuser since I can remember. My mom died a few years ago and I tried hard for the last three years to still have some relationship to my remaining parent. But it was tearing me apart, still constantly getting berated continually and verbally assaulted without mercy. Then he started berating my wife and finally decided to smash my car wind shield in, with me inside of it. I know many people have a “you only got one dad” policy which works in some less volatile situations, but I finally realized that I don’t deserve to be treated like a dog. So that’s why I haven’t been faithful to this site. Honestly, I’ve been battling depression as a result of all this, and normally that isn’t something that assails me. Please pray for me, I covet your prayers. It was the hardest decision of my life. Everyone wants a dad who loves them and will be proud of them and show them what it really means to be a good Christian man. My heart is shattered and I’m asking my real Father in Heaven to pick up the pieces.

Sex screams the existence of Jesus

Sex screams the existence of Jesus

I wrote a blog similar to this one before, but it still resonates strong within me. I really enjoy reading books on Christian apologetics. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, apologetics is material written or spoken in defense of the Gospel. It is an offensive stance that proudly proclaims the truth of the Bible. Years ago when Christianity was first spreading across the known world, many lies or rumors started circulating about Christians. One of the many things said was that Christians sacrificed their children to God. Obviously, this was completely untrue. There were many others things said against us Christians, even that we were atheists because we didn’t have an idol that we worshiped. So they accused us of being atheists, which was a big no-no in the Roman Empire. So God raised up many wonderful people who stood up and told the truth about Christians and defended our faith against the hate-filled lies and propaganda. Men like Justin Martyr and Augustine stood up and defended the faith with the truth. Apologetics also deals with the general defense of the gospel. Men like Ken Ham and C.S. Lewis show that the Gospel is the most reasonable and logical and true way to live and love. I’ve been devouring the Answers Books compiled by Ken Ham recently, which show through reason, logic and actual science (not fantasy and stupid assumptions) that the Bible is true from cover to cover.
This blog of course is devoted to the Bible and sexuality. I don’t believe that things that are not prohibited in the Bible should be abstained from in the present. Why make up a bunch of rules that God didn’t speak?
Sexuality is very fascinating for many reasons. Lately, I’ve noticed that all human sexuality is screaming in defense of the Bible. We are told some science fiction called evolution (molecules to man) is the reason that we exist. The best lies are those mixed with some facts. Evolution is no different. It takes a few facts such as natural selection and then throws in completely unprovable and just plain stupid assumptions about the origin of man. There are many ways to disprove this lie, in Answers in Genesis ministries and Creation Research we have scores of actual science and logic that shows that only a foolish man would believe in evolution.
But the logic and passion of sex is another screaming in your face reminder that Jesus is, was and always will be. After America turned our backs on our creator in the sixties (outlawed prayer and Bible reading and study in the school system). The free love movement took place. People were encouraged to have sex with whomsoever other person that wanted to have sex with them. Free love. They even gave it a catchy title because we all desperately long for love. This philosophy was inevitable in a culture that denies God. When we threw God out of schools and public places a rush of barbaric practices rushed in to take the place of true love and morality. Free love was one of these barbaric practices. Yet, about fifty years after the supposed “sexual revolution”, people still need something to stand on that separates us from beasts. Even the most sexually deviant common citizens among us have a few “rules” that they live by. Of course there always have been and always will be “monsters” who lay aside every vestige of morality and prey and rape anything they can get their hands on, including children. But the overwhelming majority of people still have to try to create their own morality in the absence of God’s Word that once filled our schools. This is yet simply another logical and reasonable proof of a divinely created world that was framed by the word of God. People who sleep around may have rules such as never to take advantage of an unconscious person or drunken person. People who practice homosexuality, even have certain standards for sexuality. They break one of the most fundamental laws of human sexuality but still they must have some sort of standard that makes them feel moral and just. Most try to be loyal to one person. It’s like the phrase “honor among thieves”. People need some sense of order even when they live outside the perfect order that God shows us in His Word, the Bible. This overwhelming need for order and a form of moral code clearly screams the presence of Jesus. They don’t want to live by God’s Word so they invent their own morality so they can feel justified and somewhat moral. I’ve seen people who rabidly promote homosexuality, but then have a problem with someone doing something that isn’t wrong, like enjoying good pornography or nudity. Why? because they need some semblance to order, because they are created in the image of the God of order and not chaos. The Egyptians had many whacked up beliefs but they did believe the battle in the world was chaos verses order. God’s Word is order because He created us and the world we live in. When we don’t live by God’s Word we must have some sense of order or we feel unsafe and vulnerable. If evolution were true we would all be having sex with each other without the slightest sense of guilt or shame. We would have sex whenever we wanted with whomsoever we wanted and not feel anything tugging at our hearts. If evolution is true, why would any sexual act be wrong? Incest, rape, orgies, homosexual acts, having sex with animals, sex slaves (or slavery in general), prostitution, having sex with a dead body, and so on, should all be perfectly acceptable if evolution is true. But you see something completely different in the world. Even those who practice sexual sins try to create a morality that justifies the sin they are committing but says others actions are bad. Why do they do that? Because God created a beautiful and passionate world, but also an orderly and logical one as well. And the order and logical part of His world give us a safe and perfect place to enjoy the passions He has gloriously given to us. Sex like all other facets of creation scream that there is a God and His name is Jesus.



Men how do you feel when your girlfriend or wife is checking out some other guy? None of us are perfect, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. So all of us have ample opportunities to feel insecure or scared when our girl is looking at other men’s bodies. My wife and I have our own unique relationship, as do we all. She wasn’t crazy about the idea of me watching porn, masturbating or going to strip clubs. I was honest and up front with her but once we got close to getting married, she got scared of my attraction to other women. Even though I’m a Christian and didn’t lust when I checked out other women, it still scared her. We went through a few years of oddness and still have a bit of uneasiness in our marriage in this area. In our discussions, I’ve wanted her to know how important she is to me, but also I’ve not wanted to give up something that I love only because she is insecure, if that makes sense. A few years back when we talked about strip clubs, I asked her to at least be fair and attend a club where she could see naked men. Then I could see how I felt and we could talk about where to go from there. But that has been probably four or more years ago and still she hasn’t really tried to go to a male strip club (though sadly for women who enjoy looking at naked men, there aren’t many heterosexual geared male strip clubs around). To me after I settled the matter of nudity, masturbation, and pornography on the moral issues, then I started wondering about those issues as they pertained to relationships. Obviously, there are things in relationships, where we don’t desire our spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend engaging in certain behaviors with the opposite sex. Of course due to the nature of this blog, all activities named as sin in the Bible are off limits. But what about things that aren’t sinful but still we consider “no-no’s” in our relationship. Most of us don’t want our spouse locking lips with someone else. Most of us don’t want our spouses holding hands or blowing kisses with someone of the opposite sex… or of any sex for that matter ;) . So the question of this blog post is geared more toward that effect. Men who enjoy looking at and enjoying the beauties of women, do you find it offensive or scary when your wife or girlfriend is admiring the physique of another man?

the fair haired woman

One of my favorite books is “Wild at Heart” by John Eldridge. Growing up without a dad (deadbeat dad), I had to figure out what the heck being a “man” meant. My dad would pork anything that opened up her legs. My mom was dying in the hospital when I was a little boy and he was having sex with one of his coworkers. And besides the ultimate sleaze factor of this man, he is crazy abusive. Almost every word or gesture from his mouth is meant to harm his wife and children. And I didn’t really have any one who “took me under his wing” to show me the ropes. So… I became a reader. Reading has become a form of discipline. I started out reading at least one chapter of a Christian book each day. And now it has also become a pleasure. I’m reading like five or six books at the same time right now on very different subjects and also some fiction :) . So in books I found my direction to look at least, at how to be a man. And “Wild at Heart” is one of top two books that I feel have given me a leg to stand on.
One of the main things that every man should be drawn to and terrified of at the same time is the fair-haired woman. You see whomsoever we marry, we will still desire something that she cannot give us. It’s a great mystery. The secular world tries their best to sell us on the idea that when you get married you live happily ever after. And I love those stories. I love romantic comedies. I know some men shun them like the plague, but I love romance. I love the feeling and longings that those movies and books arouse within my chest. I love action flicks like the next guy too but I love romantic movies. Who wouldn’t want to live happily ever after???
But, in the fall of man (Genesis 3) something went awry. Eden (our happily ever after) isn’t a reality in this life anymore…but…it is in the next thanks to what Jesus did on the cross. If anyone chooses to follow Christ, He’s promised good things and bad things in this life. But He promised that He’d never leave us or abandon us. He promised to guide us and lead us home. Heaven is the place where all our desires and passions that ebb and flow like deep sea currents, will finally be sated…forever. But!… until we reach Home, nothing will ever quite bring us the full satisfaction that we hope it will. Even the greatest adventure of life, marriage, will not satisfy the depths of our longings. That’s why you are here reading my blog in the first place right? You are searching for something else. You are longing for life and joy and peace and healing. Maybe you are single and lonely. Maybe you are imagining that day when you finally find your spouse and you are consumed with passion and ecstasy. Or maybe you’re married and you’ve realized that as much as you love your honey, that something deep and wonderful still calls to you. That’s where the fair-haired woman comes into the picture. She stands there bare breasted with her hair cascading down either side of them. She is always full of passion and warmth. She is always offering life and never asking for it. Her gait is soft and feminine. Her body exudes the most delicious fragrances. Her voice is soft and inviting. Then you come home and your wife really needs you to watch the kids, who are crying. Or your girlfriend decides that some other guy will be a better match for her. Chores, frustration, heart-ache…our hearts sigh. Then we remember the fair-haired woman. Her song calls to the deepest places inside of us. Her melodic voice whispers for us to come close. Our hearts inflame with desire. We’ll never find this fair-haired woman ( an analogy for the perfect woman) this side of eternity but we long to feel alive so we attach her image over a beautiful coworker or a pornographic actress or the check out girl at the super market. Suddenly, our hearts feel lighter and we choose to believe in love again, in hope, in faith. The author of Wild at Heart believes that she is simply a siren who woos us to our doom on the rocks of sin, but I believe there is something running deeper here. What do you believe is going on, when our hearts are inflamed with longing for this elusive goddess?

The Bible does not condemn viewing nudity. I’ve been a Christian since I was 12. I’ve been a hard-core Christian too! Like most men and some women, I struggled with masturbating and viewing porn. I would go through cycles of repentance and failure. I would try to be accountable. I talked regularly to a good Christian friend.
Finally, I started reading to check up on why I believe what I believe. I started with masturbation. The only place that masturbation is mentioned in the Bible to my knowledge is where a son of Judah by the name of Onan decided to spill his semen on the ground rather than impregnating his wife. God struck him dead as a door nail. That example would be enough to get any man to stop whacking off.
Onan wasn’t even masturbating though. He was obligated to marry his brother’s wife after his brother had died and to raise up children in his brother’s name (which was the law back then). He didn’t want to impregnate his wife to have kid’s in his brother’s name so he spilled the goods. It pissed God off and wham, dead Onan. It’s funny how when a story is preached a certain way for a long time how it doesn’t get passed by our “that doesn’t make any sense” filter. But no where in this story is there a hint of God condemning masturbation. God killed Onan because He didn’t obey His laws, not because he pleasured himself (which he wasn’t even doing).
Now many may say, ok but I can’t masturbate without lusting. Ok let’s check out lusting. The Scripture command here is where Jesus said that adultery was wrong before but now He was raising the bar and declaring that lusting after a woman was the same as adultery. Lusting is where you imagine yourself having sexual acts with someone who is not your spouse. Makes sense! Jesus was saying if you’re imagining doing the act then you’re doing it in your heart.
So watch all the porn you want. Masturbate until you can’t do it any more but don’t lust. Don’t imagine you and that person you are looking at having sex. Just masturbate and enjoy the sight of that other man and woman having sex. Do you see? When you put yourself in the picture you are wanting to possess or have that other person who is not yours to have. That’s the basic essence of lust, wanting something that isn’t yours. That’s why it’s mentioned about lusting after other things in the Bible. You are wanting to have something that God didn’t give you! You are coveting and envying which are sins. Lust is coveting and envying someone else’s spouse.
So enjoy all the nudity and porn you want (that’s between a man and a woman [another discussion]). God created us in the Garden naked. Then He gave Adam and Eve the command ( what a lovely command) to multiply. The original design was to be a nudist world (I don’t think that is wise now, but we’ll save that for another discussion as well). God created our bodies and sex to be beautiful! Enjoy but just don’t lust (covet and envy)

When I was working on this site before, I had considered changing up the format and excluding erotic pictures. One of the main reasons that I had started this blog was to invite conversation with others who may be interested in what the Bible actually says and doesn’t say about enjoying viewing nudity and sex. I’m afraid people who are committed Christians who are interested but not decided, would be put off by the nudie pics. I really want this site to be a safe place for discussion on the topic. There are plenty of sites that offer videos and pictures of sexual encounters but none other that I’m aware of that offer Biblical based conversation on the topics of masturbation, nudity, viewing people having sex and so forth. So my new format would be geared towards conversation and discussion which is what I was hoping for when I created the blog. I believe Christians who would be interested in this kind of honest discussion are turned off because they are turned on by the pictures I usually include with each blog post. So because they are trying to serve Jesus while figuring out true Biblical sexuality they avoid my site and I get almost no discussion on my blog. I get a good bit of views but hardly any comments since I started this blog over three years ago.
So since I wiped my site clean I figured this would be a good time to change formats. I know I’ll lose a few visitors to my blog but if someone leaves simply because the absence of erotic images then maybe they weren’t here for the true purpose of this blog… The only down side in my opinion is that my previous blogs provided “safe” erotic images that conform to Biblical standards (i.e. no orgies, homosexual activities, and so forth).
What are your opinions?

Recently, I wiped this site clean. In a moment of panic I erased years of blog posts and comments. I’ve been praying for several things for quite a long time and had hoped that my prayers would be answered this year by a certain date. When that date came and went, I reevaluated my relationship with God. I know that many of the things that I write about aren’t “kosher” so to speak. I know that my views and thoughts based on the Bible, aren’t accepted by the vast majority of Christians. I’m not born in a vacuum, I know my beliefs would make most Christians want to stone me. Sexuality is a highly sensitive area, hence, the reason for an anonymous blog. But regardless of the church, I want Jesus to be pleased with me. I don’t want to do anything that would put distance between my LORD and myself. I love God with all my heart. So when I didn’t hear anything from God, after all these years of praying, I started to reevaluate my beliefs on viewing nudity and sex. I’ve went back to the Bible, using something that I didn’t know how to use when I first came to my very controversial views on sex and nudity and masturbation. I used the internet. I looked up nudity in several versions of the Bible and I even looked up those words for nudity in the Greek and Hebrew. At first I was seriously considering the idea that I was simply wrong because while the Bible doesn’t say “Don’t look at nudity or watch people have sex”, most of the scriptures that mention nudity do so in a negative manner. It can be a very confusing ride and my main desire is to please Jesus. So in light of the “negative” verses dealing with nudity, I freaked out, erased all my years of work and conversation, and placed my nudie magazines and movies with nudity in the garbage. Then after I talked with my wife and continued to pray about the subject, I came right back around to the same conclusions. So for those of you who missed me, I’m back :)