This one is just a query.

Being raised in Church, I have been part of denominational churches and non-denominational. At one time, I had a difficult time understanding denominational churches. So many denominations have come into existence over the smallest differences of opinion. For instance, I was raised Pentecostal and two of the most prominent Pentecostal churches are The Assemblies of God (AoG) and The Church of God (CoG). Both of these denominations believe in three separate works of Grace. Number one is the most obvious to any evangelical church, Salvation. Number two is sanctification, which is basically were you become completely sold out to Jesus, and lose the major desire to commit sin. Number three is the Baptism of the Holy Spirit with the physical evidence of speaking in tongues.  To my knowledge the only difference in these two wonderful denominations is that they slightly disagree on the second work of Grace, Sanctification (which basically means “set apart”). The AoG believes that sanctification is gradual. Another words, after you become a Christian, a gradual work of Grace conducted by the Holy Spirit within our hearts, slowly delivers us from the ability to sin so easily (you don’t want to sin any longer, you want Jesus and more of Jesus). The CoG believes that Sanctification is the same result but you get there differently. They believe that it is an instantaneous work of the Holy Spirit. Much like the 1st and 3rd work of Grace, you could actually remember the moment when you were sanctified.

At one time I was leaning against denominations in general because of such minute differences. Over the last few years, I’ve come to understand the need of denominations, I believe. Although I currently attend a non-denominational congregation, I believe denominations serve a vital role. It’s not a word you hear often anymore, but I believe they act as a defense against heresy. Even their existence acts as a bulwark against an invasion of false teachings. Even though I love both denominational and non-denominational churches, I believe we would all be like sitting ducks without denominational churches existing.

You may be asking, how does any of this relate to Christians enjoying pornography??? Well the Bible is our standard, our road map, our compass for living. Then I believe the denominations serve as a sort of bulwark. Even though most denominations disagree over small details (Armenianism vs. Calvinism/ Pentecostal vs. Cessation / Submersion vs. Sprinkling/ Saturdays vs. Sundays/ etc.), all denominations are founded to uphold the truth of God’s Word. To one extent they do divide Christians as a whole, but to another extent they unify Christians with similar beliefs. If their were no denominations, I believe heresies would be running ever more rampant. Just as the Bible is our 1st defense against deception, denominations are our 2nd defense. When you visit a Southern Baptist church, you know all the main beliefs of the church you are visiting. The same goes for each of the major denominations.

The main objection that I have to denominations is the disunity they  cause. Often we can spend all our time fighting other Christians of other denominations, than spend that time in prayer, fasting, witnessing, reading the Word, and thus fighting our true enemy the devil.

Anyway, I don’t mean to make this post meticulous. I just wondered if one day you think we’ll have denominations leading the way into knowing the truth about Biblical sexuality? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that a certain denomination or group of denominations had Biblical views of nudity, masturbation, and pornography? Since this is one area that is widespread met with condemnation although there is a complete and utter lack of Biblical evidence against it, it would be wonderful to have a set of core beliefs (a denomination and doctrinal creed) that a Christian man or woman could know that attending this particular denomination meant adhering to not only the basics doctrines found in all evangelical denominations, but also a fresh set of doctrines dealing with nudity, masturbation, and pornography strongly founded in the Word.

As it is right now, I’ve been writing this blog for about 5 years, and I’ve met all kinds of people. I’ve met Christians like myself who have examined the Bible and spent time in prayer and realized as I have, that the Bible is not against viewing nudity, masturbation, or enjoying pornography that involves one man and one woman. The Bible is against adultery, bestiality, sex outside of marriage (including anal, oral, vaginal, touching of the genitalia, etc.) homosexuality, incest, rape, molestation, lust (imagining yourself committing any of the sexual sins) and so on. Then there are some things, though not condemned, are simply unwise, like public nudity, etc.

Unfortunately, I’ve also met people who want to view everything that is sexual as clean and wholesome. Many of them visit the site as well, but they want to live by their own rules and reject Biblical authority. Most of these people want to use the current humanist philosophy that if a sexual act is consensual and not illegal (by man’s law) then it’s compatible with Christianity. I’ve had people like this argue with me that homosexuality is ok because the two men or women love each other. But if they truly loved each other they wouldn’t want each other to violate God’s Word, so whatever these practicing homosexuals have, it’s not love. Love wants what is best for the other person according to 1 Corinthians 13. Going against God, or trusting their own judgment over God’s judgment, is never loving. God is love. So if God says don’t do something then whatever He says not to do, is bad for you. Plus Jesus said in the Gospel of John that whosoever loves Him will keep His commandments. You can’t live in sin and love Jesus. Sin is disobedience to God. And Jesus made it clear that whosoever lives in disobedience to God does not love God.

Anyway, the question that I’m asking wistfully, is wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were denominations that based on the clear teaching of Scripture, were pro nudity, masturbation, and one man/one woman porn! Imagine churches all across the country, or world even, where, you could talk openly about these things. I know many people are afraid to even question whether these things are right or wrong. Why all the fear, the Bible will never lead us wrong. We can always trust God. None of us can figure life out on our own, We need God’s Word.

I bet if that ever happens then we can finally have Christian Porn, where only married heterosexual (sad you have clarify that today) couples create Christian porn, opened Christian Strip Clubs with a wholesome and fun environment (look but don’t touch; strippers are treated with dignity and respect; no getting drunk or speaking rudely, etc).

Am I way off base here?




I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I usually focus on the Pornography half of my site title as it relates to being a Christian. But today, I wanted to focus on the first six letters of my title as well, Christ. The day we are celebrating begins with those same six letters. What those six letters represent, literally changed the world as no one has, since Creation about six thousand years ago.

If it wasn’t for Christ, we wouldn’t even enjoy our sexuality. Animals have sex, in some ways very much like humans, but they aren’t even conscious or self aware. But Christ made us in His image, and as such we are capable of enjoying the world around us, being enthralled in pleasure, joy, and delight. It’s easy to forget Christ’s original intention for us, since the Fall has also introduced sin, and the sin brought forth all the host of negative feelings and pain, suffering, rejection, and death. Christ made sexuality for us to enjoy, savor, and delight in. Sin has distorted it all. Lust (imagining yourself and someone who isn’t your spouse, engaging in any kind of sex or sexual touching [touching each others cock or cunt]), and sexual sins of all type have taken from the pure and erotic delights of nudity and sexuality!

But around 2,000 years ago, this precious baby was born that changed our world. No matter how much so many in this world despise Him, there is no one else who has influenced our world, like Christ. No other name arouses such feelings as Jesus. You can say, Buddha, and no one around you is going to really give a flip, you can talk about Mohammed or Allah, but no one really cares, but say the name Jesus, and you’ll be met by feeling of love, warmth, thankfulness and devotion or violence, hatred, sarcasm, and animosity.

Around the world today, millions are giving their very lives for Christ. A few give their lives for other gods, no-gods (like Allah), but millions and millions around the globe (it’s estimated that more people give their lives as martyrs for Christ today than at any other time in history). What inspires such devotion???

It’s because Christ is real. And because He loves us so much that 2,000 years ago, God the Father, sent His precious precious son, Jesus to this Earth, to a people lost in depravity. A world where murder, rape, lying,  homosexuality, gossip, incest, child abuse, lust, adultery, genocide, suicide, greed,  human trafficking, and so on are rampant.

This mighty King of Kings and Lord of Lords, humbled himself. The mightiest of all was born to peasants in a horse trough (I know it’s a manger, but that’s been so romanticized, I wanted to remind us the kind of thing he was laid in, something the animals ate out of). He lived as Rich Mullins reminds us, as a homeless man, a man with no where to lay his head. Then the Most Beautiful and Strong One this world has ever known allowed Himself to be betrayed, brutally crucified and tortured, and publicly mocked. All for us! All for each one of us. Our sins, nailed those hands that formed the stars, to that rough splintery piece of wood. Those eyes that feasted with delight upon each of us before the world began, were blackened and bloody, swollen with cruel beatings, all because of our sins…

Christ, came to this wretched sin eaten world, and died a criminals death, ironically, the only one who had never committed a crime, much less a sin, died amongst thieves and took the place of Barabbas, a known murdering zealot. And then He took the place of each one of our sins. Every act of robbery, every assault, every covetous or lustful thought, every act of adultery, every lie, even every act of molestation (Jesus even died for child molesters), every act of cruelty, lusting after the same sex, every act of immorality was laid upon the only pure and innocent One.

So today and tomorrow while we celebrate Christmas, remember that without Christ, our world would be completely dark and utterly depraved. He is truly the Light of the World. And also, I want to take this time to ask you, Do you know Him? Do you have a living breathing personal relationship with this man. He’s not a little baby anymore, He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. One day every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord. That includes, every pharaoh who set himself up to be a god, that includes every atheist who blasphemes His mighty name each day, that includes Mohammed and Buddha. One day everyone will bow their knee, because He’s not in that manger anymore. No, now He’s seated upon a Throne in the Heavens (the same one that Stephen, the first martyr, saw).

One day, He’ll be our Judge. But today, He is our Savior!!! Born in Bethlehem, 2,000 years ago, He came to save us from our sins, because our sins will destroy us. They not only destroy others, but they will destroy us as well. I ask you, will you accept Jesus today. Their are only two kinds of people, those who kneel now, and those who kneel later. The Bible says we will all kneel and bow before the King. Everyone who bows their knee in this life will go on to eternal life. And if you think there are pleasures in this life, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Everyone who waits to bow until they are face to face with Christ, the ultimate reality, the True King, will not only bow their knees but bow their heads in shame as they march into Hell, the place where no one will ever experience any type of pleasure again, no love, no beauty, no sexuality, no laughter, no innocence, no human warmth, no human affection.

There is only one thing that will keep us from accepting Christ and living the rest of our lives as a love offering unto Him, pride, the original sin. Just as Jesus, the Christ, humbled himself and let Himself be fully human and be born into a animal’s trough, lived a peasant’s life, and died a criminal’s death, though He is the only one who had never done anything wrong, just like His beautiful example, so we too must humble our selves in this life. We must let go of  “our way” and live “His Way”. We must live by His rules, the Bible. Where Christ is concerned, we must give up “our rights” and swear fealty to the King. We must humble ourselves and simply believe, which oddly enough, is the heart of even the most secular Christmas stories (stories that deal only with Santa, and try to exclude Christ). We must confess our sins to God and renounce them, give them up, and follow His example, His Word.

Will you humble yourself, as Jesus did, almost two millennia ago? Will you give Him your heart and your life. He already gave His life for you, but we must give ours to Him as well. Otherwise, it’s a one way relationship. Will you kneel at the manger…and at the cross and let Him give you a new life?

This site is dedicated to exploring and enjoying our sexuality in the light of God’s Word. He created it for our pleasure. He could have made sex as functional as washing the dishes or as boring as shaking hands to procreate. But He didn’t. He loves us. All the bad things in this world where introduced with sin, at the Fall. That wasn’t His plan for us. He made a world of succulent pleasures and mind blowing ecstasies. When the end of time comes, all things will be remade. Christians, (true Christians, not those in name only, another words) will live forever in the most beautiful, the most wild, the most enjoyable world. And actually, it’s right here on this Earth, only remade (Revelation 20-22). satan’s introduced the weird cloud idea of heaven, with a bunch of half-naked little baby cherubs with harps all floating about. No, that’s not heaven, that’s just weird. Heaven will be the fulfillment of all our desires, hopes, and dreams. A place where we’ll never know pain or sorrow again. Can you imagine a world with no death or disease, physical or mental or otherwise. No depression or cancer, no rejection or heart failure, no broken hearts or AIDS??? In that kind of world we’ll all feel free to truly be ourselves, and we’ll finally and truly be happy. Everyone that accepts Christ, will live as a celebrated hero too, for all eternity. We made it through this dark and terrible life, with our trust in Jesus. We’ll be celebrated by all creation as heroes and overcomers and conquerors! Everyone will know our name (just like in the theme to Cheers).

While in Hell, it will be the complete opposite. No one will know our name. We’ll be nameless faceless tortures souls. The saddest part will be that we chose that. Everyone has a choice right now, choose Christ or choose our way. The Bible says that those who choose to trust ourselves over trusting Christ, will inherit hell. And I don’t believe, according to my study of the Bible, that we’ll be sent there by God. No going to hell is like a natural law. It can’t be broken. It’s part of reality. The reality is that hell is all that exists outside of God. It’s the place we were all headed by natural law.  The law must be obeyed. That’s why this season is so special, its the time when God intervened. Hell was the natural result of our actions, just like devastation is to arson. Our ship was sunk, we were going down. There was only one way to save us. A price had to paid, the law had to be obeyed, so Christ came to fulfill the law, the Bible says. Only God Himself could receive the full penalty of the law, and it killed Him and He descended into Hell for three days. But because He lived without sin, He paid the law by His death. He became the scapegoat, or sin eater.

Now everyone is on level ground, and we are given this choice, choose Jesus and share in His glory and freedom, or choose the thing that got us into this mess in this first place, sin, and inherit all that comes with that. Jesus did his part, just read the Gospels or watch the movie, “The Passion”.

I hope this Christmas Season, you truly honor, the incarnation, not only with your lips, but also with your heart, for it’s with our lips that we confess that Jesus is Lord and its with  the heart that man believes the Gospel unto salvation and  then lives by the Bible. Will you kneel in humility today? And if you have at one time known the Lord but turned back to sin, will you ask Jesus to forgive you and return home and follow Christ again??? Is there any sin in your heart that would keep you from Heaven? Trust me, its not worth it. Sin’s a fair weather friend. It won’t be there when we need it, indeed it can’t be. But Jesus will never ditch us, we may ditch Him, but He’ll never ditch us.

All year long this site is largely devoted to adoring the femininity, but let us remember who created feminity and who came to this planet to take away our sins, so we could be with Him forever. And according to Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy,
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” and 1 Corinthians 2:9, “But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” The pleasure we know in this life, will be swallowed up by the pleasures to come, but only if we follow Christ with our whole heart. If we follow Him with our whole heart, there is no room for sin. That’s not saying that we won’t ever sin, it just means that if we do, we are quick to repent, because it grieves our hearts to be with sin and away from Jesus, even for a moment. The Bible says that if we confess ours sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins. If you fall down, repent and grab God’s hand once again, and He’ll pull you up! Then keep walking with Him. The Best is Yet to come! If you think our sexuality brings us joy here, imagine all the joys and wild pleasure God has for us, in a world that is not broken and falling apart! The joys we have here are pictures of the more complete joys to come!

Come let us adore Him… Merry Christmas!





What is it about femininity that invites us closer? Truly, the heart of pure femininity seems to be invitation. From our earliest years as children, we feel invited into our mother’s loving arms. We feel welcome and invited and loved. Especially as a little boy, our mom feels like home. She is a warm safe haven as we are invited into her heart. Or maybe our grandmother, or even an aunt, made you feel safe and cherished as they invited you into the warmth of their hearts.

Then as we grow up the aroma of femininity calls to us though in a much different way, a much more intimate way, a much more wild way. Our masculine hearts are invited by a glance of the eyes, the softness of a touch (I mean really when you are first touched by a woman you admire, it feels like her touch must be what heaven feels like!), or the curves of her feminine form. Our mothers or grandmothers, offered us someplace safe and warm, much like a warm cabin in the snowy mountains. But this attraction to the opposite sex is similar but altogether different. This invitation to femininity is to be compared to a condo on the beach in Maui, full of livid music that makes you want to dance, and exotic delicacies to whet your appetite, while wild spices waft on the ocean breeze.

God created us male and female in the beginning. And what most people don’t realize is that immediately before or after the Bible declares this, it also declares that in His image He created them. So both masculinity and femininity both reflect unique facets of the image of God. Both masculine and feminine can express the image of God as the other sex cannot. We both offer something to the world that the other sex simply cannot. And Femininity reflects all the warmth and safety of our God that we know as small children, as well as the wildness and deep mystery, we grow to know and behold in the opposite sex as our love ripens .

Truly Femininity is a deep mystery that invites our masculine hearts inside. Just as the physical often reflects the emotional or even the supernatural, so we long to accept the invitation of femininity as enter in. What happens physically in sex is a glorious foretaste of what is happening in our hearts and souls. When a woman invites a man inside her, she invites him into her very core. And that is what we long for…

We long to be inside of the mystery and delight that is femininity. We long to offer our masculinity to a woman in a great love affair. We long to be one. And indeed we were made by our Wild and Passionate Creator to be united again. As masculinity and femininity both reflect the heart and soul of the Ancient of Days, so we are most fulfilled as men and women when we are one with opposite sex and even most resemble the heart of our God, as masculine and feminine are reunited in the dance of beauty and strength.

And so too, God’s heart is warm and inviting, as He offered up His only Son, in the most intimate act ever to grace this world. The part of God’s heart that comes forth in the reflection of femininity is a wild invitation to enter into the mystery that is God. Yes, God is strong and kind and protective and the most valiant of warriors as masculinity shows us, but He is also soft and warm, and the most inviting place there is. And as everything in the physical ultimately reflects the supernatural, God invites us into His very being to share in His mysteries and wonders that our hearts are intimately made for and lovingly crafted to savor. As man is not truly satisfied until he is one with femininity so to we will not be truly happy in the deepest sense until we have entered into all that God is. God is invitation. All through the Bible He is inviting us into mystery, and wonder, losing ourselves and finding something much greater in return. Will you accept His invitation?



Let me kiss you with tender lips

nibbling gently on your fingertips

Let me feel your velvet thighs

‘neath stars and  moonlit skies

Love spoken softly into your ear

as I caress away each fear

soft light falls upon your breasts

as stars twinkle in heaven’s rest

I drink you in like sweetest wine

your breasts so full , like grapes on the vine

sweetly, I perch above your frame

from my lips escapes your name

your body tempts me with delights

as can only be filled amidst the night

I take my prize and enter in,

as you quiver beneath my skin,

the rhythm of passion becomes our song,

as our souls to each belong

your nipples rise underneath my kiss,

as I thrust into your warm wet bliss

Taunt our bodies writhe in passion,

while we feast on love’s sweet ration,

tension mounts between our thighs,

as Eros gazes through envious eyes,

till liquid love in you does rain,

the heaven’s sing a feral refrain

as I feel you grip my very core,

wanting less desiring more

our bodies quiver beneath the sheets,

as we lay with one heartbeat

I kiss you gently upon tender lips,

my fingers trace the curve of your hips,

lost tonight in love’s sweet charms,

we fall asleep in each other’s arms

motion picture grind.gif










naughty nature 2


Naked…something so innocent and innocuous yet so indecent and so intolerable. All of us remember sometime in our life when being naked was blissful or exciting. Some part of our hearts knew we were made to be enjoyed. We may have run around naked as little children without a care in the world. Some of us (author included) remember unveiling ourselves as a small child to someone else, thinking that they would be as fascinated with our bodies as we were. We knew down deep that there was something grand and glorious about us that the world wanted… no not just wanted, but needed to see, to behold.

Then there was the arrow that pierced our innocent hearts. “What we cover with our clothes is shameful… dangerous even…”

Usually we find this out with by the sneer on someone’s face, the whipping on our bottom, a shriek by someone whom we thought would be delighted, verbal abuse and scorn instead of praise… and so we come to believe that what we hide under our cotton and denim veils each day is either completely unpraiseworthy and bland or else something dangerous and horrible. Our glory becomes our shame.

But remember better days, (here let me acknowledge all those who might not be able to remember better days, all the sexually abused, whose beauty and innocence were preyed upon when they should have been protected. You are not forgotten. You did nothing wrong. You are NOT to blame and neither is your nudity. Your body is good and beautiful, not tainted. The abuser is the tainted one. Whoever could abuse a child is an evil of the worst kind and deserves the death penalty. They are to blame, not you dear one…) remember with me for a moment when you truly believed that you were hiding something glorious with your clothing. Remember the thrill that something beautiful and exciting lay just a tapestry of fabric away. Can you remember the excitement? the anticipation? that edge of naughtiness that felt like true genuine goodness and not like something vulgar or obscene?

I was going to discuss the morality of nudity, but bear with me for a blog, as we just let our hearts remember, something fantastic that we at one time knew. Our bodies are a beautiful secret. I know it may be difficult to apply this to your body now, after all the shame, or hurt, or age, but its true. When God created the world, including one naked man and one naked woman, he gave it His highest praise, “It is very good!” All the preceding days and events of creation earned God’s approval of “good” but when Adam and Eve, were added, completely naked and unashamed, God’s approval swelled to “very good”.

The Bible talks a lot about the Glory of God and for all that I’ve read, I believe that God’s Glory is much like our nudity. God has a secret beauty that He won’t reveal to just anyone except His Bride, the church. We too as image bearers of our God, have a glory to share. And Jesus told us to Grow Down. He said that we must become like little children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I believe that part of that growing down is realizing that we too possess a glory like God’s Glory, never greater than His Glory, but because we are created in His image, I believe it to be truly amazing and remarkable similar. God is the most beautiful being in all of creation and one day we will all bask in His Glory. He won’t have to veil it anymore according to the apostle Paul. “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”. (2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV).

But for now lets keep it simple, let your heart remember being naked. Nudity is all about the heart. When I see a naked woman, something deep inside me yearns for glory and beauty for goodness and wildness, for deep draughts of the Glory of God. You can accuse me of being a hypocrite or a pervert or liar or heretic, but when I see nudity deep calls to deeps within my soul. I long to know and be known. I long to revel in the beauty and my childlike heart still longs for someone to recognize the beauty that my body has to offer as well. I want to skinny dip and run naked through a cool spring forest. I want women to peak and gaze with naked curiosity and desire (not lust but simple desire). I believe every human being wants this. There may be a ton of clutter that covers even that “naked” desire” but I know that everyone wants to be admired in all their glory.

We all pretend everyday. We pretend to be above such childlike fancies, but why all the fascination with nudity, sex, and sexuality? Why are we sexual to our core (masculine and feminine)? Why does sex sell? Why do many of the stories that we keep of feeling truly “alive” have to do with being naked? My wife, used to go with several of her college friends, down to the local beach, and cast off their clothes and play naked in the surf. She is a writer and one of her best pieces tells of a group of women casting off all their clothes and dancing naked underneath the moonlight. Then as icing on the cake, my mom and her ultra-ultra conservative friend read her story and they both had glowing praise for it. These two ladies have always been exemplary Christians and always dressed modestly, yet something inside them both seemed to come alive after reading my wife’s short story.

Anyone who reads my blogs or knows me knows that I don’t condone nudism (both sexes mingling freely without clothes) because of our fallen nature, I consider it unwise to say the least. But even in our fallen world I believe that nudity within a safe environment is one of the greatest reminders of life and delight and the world to come.

Just listen for a moment to that deep desire within. You possess a beauty that is captivating. We may only be able to enjoy it in limited spaces here, but when God restores all things, our glory and His will be openly displayed, we will truly be naked and unashamed again…



Ok, I think this is one thing that needs some attention.  Somewhere at sometime, people started thinking that whoever you are married to, that person is supposed to be the most gorgeous woman (or the most handsome man if you are a woman reading this) that you have or will have ever seen. That’s just doesn’t make sense. It puts all this incredible pressure on your marriage.

Let me illustrate. My first semester at college, there was this gorgeous specimen of a woman in my math class. I thought she was a goddess. She was very stunning. Long brunette hair, long legs, wonderful figure, She could have been a model. Then there was this pretty girl that I sat next to. She was cute. Medium everything. And by most “standards” of beauty probably a little dumpy, especially next to the “goddess”.

By the end of the semester, the long legged curvy goddess was still pretty, but somehow (and it wasn’t because she was rude or ill tempered etc.) she didn’t capture my imaginations and my heart. But all through the semester, I had almost fallen in love with this other girl whom most men and women would consider “average”. I say almost fallen in love with because I could tell that this girl did not return my affections. She was in love and engaged to some other man.

I always thought it odd all these years how a girl that I had equated with a goddess could have fallen to the status of mere mortal by a few months time. Her beauty had not changed, only how her beauty had affected my affections. (Btw, the other “average” girl that I was smitten with … well nothing ever came of that, just in case you were wondering). The really odd thing about this story was another girl that I didn’t even really notice in the romantic sense from that same class and that same semester was the girl who seven years later became my wife.

The point I am trying to make is that what we see as beautiful actually fluctuates. And there is all this pressure to be married to the “most beautiful woman on the planet”. We even feel that if we see another girl who captures our attention and we feel to be more beautiful than our spouse, then we feel guilty. I think this even puts tons of undue pressure on our wives or girlfriends, because let’s face it, everyone one of us is getting older. As the years go by, we age, due to our fallen world (Genesis 3). I know I can’t compete with all the hunks that reach peak maturity each year. I’m no muscle bound athlete. If my wife were completely honest she would have to acknowledge that some new Hollywood stud or some new athlete of the year were much more physically appealing that I am. And I’m not saying that I’m unattractive. It’s just no one can compete in ” the most beautiful person on earth” contest, because they’ll always come along somebody who’s the new sensation.

I say all this to hopefully free you up. I think there are all these husbands and wives out there who think just because there is some other people that they find attractive, they  think that they are doing their spouse an injustice. Even worse some people even leave their loving spouse because they find someone who tickles their fancy more than their spouse does at the moment.

We need to get off this hamster wheel, because it’s going nowhere.

Lastly, just because you see someone who you think looks hotter than your spouse does, don’t ever tell your spouse (I know this comment is hopefully a no brainer, or if it isn’t it will be a you’re about to sleep aloner), that creates a different kind of hurt and pressure.

I just think that it’s good to just know this fact. Attraction fluctuates. Love your spouse for who they are inside and out. Remember that they see other people too who may tickle their fancy more than you do. Don’t ditch your spouse because you find a sleeker model. A lot of our attraction comes from the heart anyway (as in my story above), it’s not all about the physical. That’s just a piece of the whole.

My wife and I have aged almost half our lives (18 years) from when we first met, we’ve started dating almost 12 years ago, and we’ve been married over 10 years. Sure each day I see new pretty faces all around, but there is a part of me that each time I see my wife I do see her as the prettiest girl in the world. We’ve both gained quite a few pounds since we were scrawny 18 year olds, we’ve got some wrinkles and some gray and white hairs starting to come up now, but I love my wife, I think she’s lovely and everything that is her, calls out to everything that is me every day. We’ve weathered some of the roughest storms a couple can endure by God’s Grace. Even though there will always be some new girls who are at their prime (as well as new guys that my wife sees I’m sure) my wife is the most beautiful because of all the reasons that my heart knows how to reason and love.

Anyway, don’t let it bother you that there are always pretty new faces… and bodies. Just enjoy the one that God gave you to enjoy. Sure we can appreciate the beauty and wonder around us and it may turn our heads, but don’t let it turn your heart 😉


Sepia Beach

Do you remember when life was full of longing? Honestly, most days I find some way to numb myself up, endless t.v., losing myself in hobbies like writing, gardening, or learning something new (at the moment my wife and I are taking Hebrew at a local synagogue, I’ve always wanted to learn Hebrew so I could read the Bible in some of the original language). Like most of us, I numb myself by eating too. The pain of life can be difficult to bear. Who hasn’t endured loss? and the longer you live the more losses you accumulate. But sometimes amid all the loss and pain and numbness, something breaks through… longing.

When I was a child, I dreamed that one day I’d be madly in love and live happily ever after! The thought of my mom dying seemed like it would be millions of years away and the thought of losing all my family would have seemed ludicrous. I try to keep my dreams alive, but it is difficult finding that longing that permeated my youth. After all I’m married now, and as wonderful as marriage can be, it can be very difficult as well, and we all come to realize that marriage isn’t the fix-all that we were hoping for. But the moments when longings, and romance break through and enchant my heart once again, it takes me by surprise! I have this hope, kind of like the movie “Pan’s Labyrinth, that even though the world I live in is dark dark indeed, that someone strong and kind is pursuing me. I have this longing that the passion of my youth is reality and this darkness that life is right now, is really just the length of a bad dream. When I wake up, I’ll behold that which I’ve always longed for and hoped for.

Sepia undressing

I still remember my first time. I think the image is branded into  your memory. I’m talking about in person btw, not just in a magazine. I had decided with much excitement and trepidation that I was going to go to our local strip club. I remember being so intimidated heading into the building with the blacked out windows. My excitement was of the highest order. There are certain times in life that are just intoxicating. It could be your first kiss, the first time you saw someone naked, the first time you had sex, or the first time you held hands even. There are just certain moments in time when there is this heady intoxication with life and beauty and mystery and sensuality with the opposite sex. These moments break up the ho hum ordinariness of life with something beyond words.

I still remember the rush of going into the building and finding a place to sit. A girl was on stage but she was in lingerie. I don’t remember her, but while I was sitting there taking in the unique atmosphere, another of the girls was walking around totally topless and wearing nothing but panties and those stage shoes. She passed right in front of me and I felt that I could sense every inch of her breasts as they hung beautifully and mesmerizing beside me. Everything about me was lost in the moment of exhilaration and wonder. Her butt, her legs, her breasts, her hair and all her femininity screamed out to my masculine heart. Beauty beyond words captured the whole attention of my being. Then as quickly as she walked right in front of me talking to someone, just as quickly she disappeared back into a room.

Even though I enjoyed the whole display of women that night, that first nude woman that was only inches from me is still burned into my soul…

black and white sunlit nude

I just wanted to say sorry to everyone who has commented in the last few months. I have not answered or replied back yet. I’ve had to cut my relationship with my dad. He’s been an abuser since I can remember. My mom died a few years ago and I tried hard for the last three years to still have some relationship to my remaining parent. But it was tearing me apart, still constantly getting berated continually and verbally assaulted without mercy. Then he started berating my wife and finally decided to smash my car wind shield in, with me inside of it. I know many people have a “you only got one dad” policy which works in some less volatile situations, but I finally realized that I don’t deserve to be treated like a dog. So that’s why I haven’t been faithful to this site. Honestly, I’ve been battling depression as a result of all this, and normally that isn’t something that assails me. Please pray for me, I covet your prayers. It was the hardest decision of my life. Everyone wants a dad who loves them and will be proud of them and show them what it really means to be a good Christian man. My heart is shattered and I’m asking my real Father in Heaven to pick up the pieces.