Ok, I think this is one thing that needs some attention. Somewhere at sometime, people started thinking that whoever you are married to, that person is supposed to be the most gorgeous woman (or the most handsome man if you are a woman reading this) that you have or will have ever seen. That’s just doesn’t make sense. It puts all this incredible pressure on your marriage.
Let me illustrate. My first semester at college, there was this gorgeous specimen of a woman in my math class. I thought she was a goddess. She was very stunning. Long brunette hair, long legs, wonderful figure, She could have been a model. Then there was this pretty girl that I sat next to. She was cute. Medium everything. And by most “standards” of beauty probably a little dumpy, especially next to the “goddess”.
By the end of the semester, the long legged curvy goddess was still pretty, but somehow (and it wasn’t because she was rude or ill tempered etc.) she didn’t capture my imaginations and my heart. But all through the semester, I had almost fallen in love with this other girl whom most men and women would consider “average”. I say almost fallen in love with because I could tell that this girl did not return my affections. She was in love and engaged to some other man.
I always thought it odd all these years how a girl that I had equated with a goddess could have fallen to the status of mere mortal by a few months time. Her beauty had not changed, only how her beauty had affected my affections. (Btw, the other “average” girl that I was smitten with … well nothing ever came of that, just in case you were wondering). The really odd thing about this story was another girl that I didn’t even really notice in the romantic sense from that same class and that same semester was the girl who seven years later became my wife.
The point I am trying to make is that what we see as beautiful actually fluctuates. And there is all this pressure to be married to the “most beautiful woman on the planet”. We even feel that if we see another girl who captures our attention and we feel to be more beautiful than our spouse, then we feel guilty. I think this even puts tons of undue pressure on our wives or girlfriends, because let’s face it, everyone one of us is getting older. As the years go by, we age, due to our fallen world (Genesis 3). I know I can’t compete with all the hunks that reach peak maturity each year. I’m no muscle bound athlete. If my wife were completely honest she would have to acknowledge that some new Hollywood stud or some new athlete of the year were much more physically appealing that I am. And I’m not saying that I’m unattractive. It’s just no one can compete in ” the most beautiful person on earth” contest, because they’ll always come along somebody who’s the new sensation.
I say all this to hopefully free you up. I think there are all these husbands and wives out there who think just because there is some other people that they find attractive, they think that they are doing their spouse an injustice. Even worse some people even leave their loving spouse because they find someone who tickles their fancy more than their spouse does at the moment.
We need to get off this hamster wheel, because it’s going nowhere.
Lastly, just because you see someone who you think looks hotter than your spouse does, don’t ever tell your spouse (I know this comment is hopefully a no brainer, or if it isn’t it will be a you’re about to sleep aloner), that creates a different kind of hurt and pressure.
I just think that it’s good to just know this fact. Attraction fluctuates. Love your spouse for who they are inside and out. Remember that they see other people too who may tickle their fancy more than you do. Don’t ditch your spouse because you find a sleeker model. A lot of our attraction comes from the heart anyway (as in my story above), it’s not all about the physical. That’s just a piece of the whole.
My wife and I have aged almost half our lives (18 years) from when we first met, we’ve started dating almost 12 years ago, and we’ve been married over 10 years. Sure each day I see new pretty faces all around, but there is a part of me that each time I see my wife I do see her as the prettiest girl in the world. We’ve both gained quite a few pounds since we were scrawny 18 year olds, we’ve got some wrinkles and some gray and white hairs starting to come up now, but I love my wife, I think she’s lovely and everything that is her, calls out to everything that is me every day. We’ve weathered some of the roughest storms a couple can endure by God’s Grace. Even though there will always be some new girls who are at their prime (as well as new guys that my wife sees I’m sure) my wife is the most beautiful because of all the reasons that my heart knows how to reason and love.
Anyway, don’t let it bother you that there are always pretty new faces… and bodies. Just enjoy the one that God gave you to enjoy. Sure we can appreciate the beauty and wonder around us and it may turn our heads, but don’t let it turn your heart 😉
christianpornography 